I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
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