My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Randomize
