Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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