none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
