we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
