I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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