I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
