I want to have your abortion
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
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