He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
