I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Randomize
