my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Randomize
