As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Randomize
