I wish my penis had an off switch
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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