I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
we're making bets on your personal life
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Randomize
