so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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