Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Randomize
