If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
