i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
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