HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
