some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
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