Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize
