We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
I love how my cats smell like pot.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
