what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
