I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
