I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Randomize
