ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
