Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
