Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
