i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
