who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
