I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Randomize
