thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
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