Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Drunk is not a location!
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
