Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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