toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
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