I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
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