The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
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