oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
