I cannot find my penis.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Randomize
