Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
It's rum buckets o'clock
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Randomize
