You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
