If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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