Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
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