i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
do herpes really smell.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Randomize
