the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Randomize
