i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
