I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
