I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
