if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Randomize
