dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
